|Bruce Giffin, photographer|
I liked Eat Pray Love. It just occurred to me that the whole thing culminates in her landing a man. For the love of god. STILL? It's just a Cinderella story in contemporary clothes. Why do we still make finding a man the pinnacle of all our efforts? I'm not saying don't find a lover. I'm saying don't make him the reason for living. Can't he be a brick in the foundation toward building my life's work (and I'm a brick for his)? Not my life's work. He used to be. When women were property instead of owning property. Women can do anything they want now (for 20% less pay. Another conversation). I admire my friend Maureen. Not because she married a great guy, but because after 9/11 she heard a call to nursing. Despite several setbacks, she kept at it and now is employed as a nurse. She found Chris along the way and I'd like to think he was one support beam in pursuing her goal. Making a man the top prize in a woman's life completely diminishes everything else she does. Those bloody Republican ads they've decided are so clever at capturing a female audience only drive me further away the message is so reductive.
I recently ran into a man I dated 10 years ago. The involvement ended one day he suddenly decided to pack up and move to Chicago. Upon this surprise meeting, he took full responsibility for his actions and apologized for the abrupt departure. His self-accountability is so unusual, I'm stunned. Stunned into, what? Softness, openness, respect and admiration. I was so blown away at his willingness to consider me, we're involved again. I guess honesty, openness and responsibility for one's actions gets my panties in a bunch. On the floor. Worth considering.